The Deterioration
by imagination.walks
Summary: A collection of drabbles about Loki. Also features Loki & Thor brotherly love.
1. Beginning

_A/N: The prompts were taken from various lists. (And this drabble turned out to be somewhat abstract, actually.) Enjoy!_

* * *

1. _Beginning  
_

The scintillating glow of the promised glory makes him powerless to see the shadowy madness threatening his sanity and changing him as he struggles to reconstruct himself.

He will find the truth; it has to be there – it's _essential_, and if there's anything he wants right now, it's to catch it. _Then_ he'll find the way to be. He will begin all over again, just to show the world his value.

And sometimes he will find lies, but they are also who he is and it won't matter; them being a part of him, they will always mean as much.


	2. The Rainbow Bridge

2. _Exposed._

"I will not fight you, brother!"

He wishes Thor would stop saying that.

"I'm not your brother! _I never was_!"

He wants him to hurt just as much as he is hurting; he's sick of Thor, Thor's virtues, Thor's glory, and Thor's sudden righteousness; Thor left him on his own when the weight of the world was on his shoulders and a rupture in his ––

He won't say heart; he doesn't think it's still there.

(But when he receives the first blow, he knows some small part of it must be. If it wasn't, his chest wouldn't hurt so much.)

* * *

3. _Innocent._

"_This is a child at prayer."_

"I could have done it, Father! I could have done it!"

He is aware that his voice sounds too soft and pleading and childlike – _pathetic – _but he doesn't bother to conceal it; this is _the moment_.

"For you!"

Odin is still silent, and the longer he stays that way, the bigger the painful lump in Loki's throat becomes.

"For all of us!"

This is it; he gave it his all, he murdered his real father and saved the life of this old man who wrongfully stole him, and he needs to hear him _say it_.

(Apologize, accept him.)

"No, Loki."

* * *

4._ Accusation._

On some nights he hears Odin's _no_ replayed incessantly in his mind, forcing him to face the omnipresent subtext screamed at him as the final proof of his most intimate fear. The hate filling him then erases his pain, makes him believe he now finally knows his purpose; it's _glorious, _and once he achieves it, _Father_ will be sorry he ever gave up on him; sleep then comes more easily.

And sometimes he sees the look on Thor's face he caught falling down into the abyss, and then he cries because in the darkness he's invisible and no-one will know.

* * *

_Reviews would be fantastic, cause I've no idea if anyone's actually enjoying this? Thanks!_


	3. Together

5. _Restless.  
_

After Thor's banishment, thinking about his brother makes him uneasy.

The smallest things usually make the biggest impact, surprising him when he least expects it.

Sometimes it's a booming voice missing from a big feast, sometimes it's sitting on a throne not meant to be his. When that happens, he's able to suppress the memory even before it fully formulates in his mind.

But when he catches a glimpse of red, he instantly sees Thor's kind face smiling at him. Dread then fills his body.

He doesn't know why, but it always takes him a while to shake it off.

* * *

6. _Marble_

As a young boy, Thor noticed his brother's skin was unnaturally white. He spent a good deal of time wondering why it was so. He overheard some ladies saying Loki should take better care of himself, because he looked ill.

He got worried and decided to ask his mother about it.

"Don't worry," she said, "Your little brother is special, and so is his skin. It is as precious as porcelain, and it is something to be marveled upon, not frowned."

He accepted her words, but neither then nor later did he understand why it had to be so _cold_.

* * *

7. _Promise._

"Never doubt that I love you," he said. The sentence doesn't often come back to him, but when it does, he asks himself if Thor remembers it; if he still believes it. (He doesn't want him to.)

When he sees Thor's dark face the first time after the fall, he thinks he's safe.

When he hears Thor's voice crack as he's speaking to him, he isn't sure if Thor realizes it wasn't a promise.

When he sends Thor off the Helicarrier into death, he knows he's erased all doubt from his thick-headed mind.

(He tells himself he doesn't regret it.)


End file.
